In early January attorneys receive a surge in inquires and requests for appointments that will begin the divorce process. Unfortunately, lawyers will not tell these hurting and desperate souls the truth: things can get better with the right help.
Did you know that most people who file for divorce didn’t seek counseling, didn’t attend any marriage seminars or workshops to help improve their marriage, and probably didn’t tell some of their closest friends they were ending the marriage?
“Psychologist Aaron Beck says that the single belief most toxic to a relationship is the belief that the other person cannot change.”1 However, when lawyers are the only people we talk to, we never hear that our belief is usually mistaken. But it is.
If your parent’s are divorced, you’ve learned that the only way “things can get better” is to bail—to start over. However, even in cases of adultery marriages have recovered and grown stronger than before the devastating and selfish act. This may seem hard to believe right now, but it’s true.
Do you know what other truths the attorney won’t tell you?
- A surprising number of divorces are’t due to unfaithfulness. The spouse has simply given up on being happy in the relationship.2
- 94% of couples in one survey reported that they were glad they didn’t divorce when they were tempted to do so.3
- If you make HALF the effort and sacrifice you will make for your new spouse, you can save your marriage.
- AND spare you and your kids the hassles you still have from your parents’ divorce.
- AND share the joy of your grandchildren with one person instead of a delegation of ex-spouses and unrelated family members.
- AND show your kids that marriages can make it through the tough times.
- AND prove that putting God’s will over your own desires is best in the long run. (Accepting that physical abuse and adultery are not in God’s will)
The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”4 This sounds simply, but isn’t always easy to do. However, here are three links that can help. Please take a few minutes to read them before you call or reconnect with your lawyer. You’ll be glad you did!
1“The Life You’ve Always Wanted” by John Ortberg, Zondervan, 2002, p. 20.
2 “Survey Reveals The Real Reason Couples Get Divorced.” Stephanie Castillo. http://www.yourtango.com/201197812/survey-reveals-real-reason-couples-get-divorced
3”Should I Divorce?” by Alan Hawkins & Tamara Fackrell. www.utahmarriage.org.
4Ephesians 5:33 [ESV]