When I learned my parents’ divorce was still affecting me, it proved enlightening and overwhelming. Fortunately, many tools are now available to overcome issues created in us by parental divorce. But in conversations with adults from broken homes, I’ve learned a basic A-B-C approach helps tackle divorce-related issues in our lives.
A. Acknowledge that the impact of their divorce continues. This two minute video discusses the subtle change parental divorce can create in the trajectory of the kids.
B. Identify how our parents’ divorce still affects us. Kelly Spenser’s Happy Healthy YOU article addresses common challenges adults with split parents face. As a life coach, Spenser’s perspective is insightful. Her observations reveal we always have a Plan B, sky-high expectations, cautious disbelief, and have a fascination with normal. Spenser’s article yields an intriguing glimpse at idiosyncrasies that often affect us.
C. Take steps to overcome these issues. Identifying and replacing the lies we believe is a crucial first step. The Bible offers truth that can deliver us from the fear of inadequacy, feelings of unworthiness, anger, and other issues. Holding fast to God’s truth is the only answer when the hurricane-force-winds of deceit try to blow us off course. Though our fears (fed by lies) say otherwise, the Bible says, “With God all things are possible,“1 “God has not given us a spirit of fear,“2 “Cast all your cares on him for he cares for you,“3 “If we confess our sins, he (Jesus) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,“4 and “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.“5 The truth that God offers love, forgiveness, acceptance, and the power to change can break the chains lies have forged.
Along with your Bible, Gary Neuman’s book, The Long Way Home: The Powerful 4-Step Plan for Adult Children of Divorce helps identify issues we struggle with individually. It also equips readers with tools to change behaviors that are destructive to themselves and their relationships.
It’s time to free ourselves from habits and routines that produce hurt rather than healing.This A-B-C process can help.
22 Timothy 1:7
31 Peter 5:7
41 John 1:9
The Long Way Home, Gary Neuman, (Wiley, 2013)