Because of our ever creative ways of downplaying the negative side of divorce you may start hearing about the “new divorce party.” Granted, “divorce” and “party” are not words most adult children of divorce put in the same sentence, but divorce parties are not uncommon. The difference, is now some moms and dads are celebrating the divorce together.
Jennifer Brant writes having this type of divorce party demonstrates the parents are, “showing enough maturity to put your children first and showing friends that relationships can still be maintained.”1 However, Brant, a lawyer, admits that high levels of animosity in most divorces will limit this type of celebration. Praise God! No…wait a minute…
But while trying to comprehend this, I was reminded of adult children of divorce who’ve asked me how parents can be so clueless to the debris behind their divorce(s)? Ever wonder that? Do you get sad or angry sometimes at their apparent naivety or denial? These steps may help:
Watch Brant’s interview. Observe how the divorce topic is handled. Picture this at 8:15AM on your local morning show just days before Christmas (which is when it aired).
Write down or verbalize your thoughts after the video. Agreement? Disbelief? Sadness? Anger? Pain? Numbness?
Pray to God. “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”2 God wants to heal your heart. If this video evokes some emotion because it triggers memories of your parents, spell it out to God in detail. Psalm 142:1-2 says, “I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. I spill out all my complaints before him, and spell out my troubles in detail.”3 Giving our hurts to God helps prevent those hurts from coming out in destructive ways which often hurt our loved ones.
Commit this year to learning how your parents’ divorce impacts you, and how to navigate through the debris field successfully.
We can’t change our parents’ behavior, but each day we can take steps toward our healing. May God bless you with His unfailing love, ultimate trustworthiness, and His joy in the midst of your divorce-related craziness. And may you never want a divorce party.
Here is a powerful video by researcher and ACOD, Elizabeth Marquardt. She wrote “Between Two Worlds” and whether you are “religious” or not, Marquardt offers a vivid view of the lives of adult children of divorce. Click the link below to watch the video.
I’d also be interested in your thoughts. Does she capture the ACOD experience? Could you relate to the ACOD in the video?
Memorial Day has passed, but I hope we will continue to honor veterans whenever it is within our power. Too often their sacrifice, and the sacrifice of their families, have been overlooked or consciously ignored.
Another group that has been dishonored or ignored are divorced parents. The list of “good” reasons I’ve heard through the years for why they don’t deserve honor could fill a book. Some of the stories are tragic. Others are petty, but disappointment and anger are common when adults talk about their divorced parents.
I gave a presentation on this delicate issue recently. While this talk was not given at a workshop for adult children of divorce, the implications and applications easily apply. Click below to listen.
Earlier this year I recorded ten radio programs for the Champions Arise ministry of Trans World Radio (TWR). In this series, Foster Braun interviewed me on how parental divorce affects the children and the adults they become. These fifteen-minute programs include an overview of the issues adults with divorced parents face and detailed discussions on anger, father hunger, forgiveness, and other topics.
This is a great introduction to why adults with divorced parents struggle with relationships and divorce at significantly higher rates. Click here to connect to the program list and audio links.
Triggers can be problematic for adult children of divorce and toxic to their relationships.
This program contains my talk about triggers and how they impact adults with divorced parents. This was recorded from the New Beginnings Radio show which is normally hosted by Rick Van Briggle, but I was the guest host for this program, .
I hadn’t planned to jump into this fray. However, because of the father hunger, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, and the fear of abandonment that plague adult children of divorce, I felt it was important to share an article from Dr. Miriam Grossman titled, “A Psychiatrist’s Letter to Young People about Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Please read and share this important article with every female you know—particularly those from divorced homes because of their increased vulnerability.
I’m also posting this link to a presentation I did on Father Hunger. The video and audio quality aren’t stellar, but the message is critically important for any woman whose parents are divorced—and the men who love them.