Considering Divorce?

You’re tired of being misunderstood, or feeling unloved, or battling for everything, or feeling alone, or never getting sex, or never getting help with the kids, or any of a thousand other things and a voice comes in that says “it just isn’t worth it”. Those words may be coming internally or from a “friend,” but before you take heed to those fateful words, please ask yourself these five questions:

1) Are my parents divorced? If the answer is yes, there are issues that are impacting you from their divorce which are dramatically impacting your relationship. Read the articles on this blog and learn why ACD divorce at much higher rates and what you can do to avoid the same.

2) Have you considered the cost? Click here to learn more about the real impact of divorce.

3) Are you listening to lies or God’s truth? Click here for an important blog that can help you in this area.

4) How will it affect your kids? Click here for a good summary of the impact.

5) Am I in an abusive relationship. Click here for important information.

Other thoughts that often arise include:

Maybe my parents should have divorced.

  • Highly unlikely. In the vast majority of divorces selfishness is at the root. Selfishness produces adultery, addictions, boredom, and more that cause one or both of the parents to want a divorce. God says He hates divorce.

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Jeremiah 17:8-10 (NLT)

God wouldn’t want me to stay in this marriage because He wants me to be happy.

  • No where in the Bible does it say God wants us to be happy. To the contrary, the Bible says that in marriage you will have troubles.

“Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” 1 Corinthians 7:27-29. (NIV)

It’s too late for our marriage. It is beyond hope.

  • You are not the first to feel this way.  Trusted people may be telling you this. Even pastors. But don’t give up!  Thousands and thousands have shared your view, but taken biblical steps to rebuild their marriages—sparing the kids (like you) the unending consequences. God has a plan.
  • In cases of abuse, adultery, and addictions that are putting you and your family at risk, separation may be necessary. But biblical separation is used so that the fallen spouse can repent, seek healing, have their change verified by church leadership, and then pursue a biblical process for the restoration of the marriage. God’s view of separation is that it is a catalyst for change, not divorce. however, where a sinful spouse is unrepentant, divorce may be a necessary option.

This page and site is intended to minister to the majority of marriages where abuse is not an issue. In these cases, remembering that with God all things are possible is necessary. But you must also give God your heart, obedience, and trust so you can see Him work miracles in your life and your marriage like countless other on-the-brink couples just like you!






3 thoughts on “Considering Divorce?

  1. If this addresses the life saving option of divorce needed in abusive marriages, I missed that part. As a woman who stayed with a “Christian” church elder husband for 31 years enduring sexual assault, physical, verbal and emotional abuse along with chronic porn, I now see the damage done to myself and my kids I could not see in the fog of abuse.

    As devastating as the divorce has been, my adult children were supportive of my decision after intense counseling for over a year with no change on his part. The reasons divorce is needed can be much worse than the divorce itself. I found out when they were adults about the physical abuse they suffered from him. They never told me until we separated.

    I understand being pro-marriage. I very much still am myself. Women in abusive marriages that love the Lord take the sanctity of marriage more seriously than any other group. They tend to agonize over the divorce long before any action is taken. These are not “selfish” or “cavalier” decisions. They hung in there long enough to be treated badly enough to leave which is usually the kiss of death to any relationship to their church community at the time they most vulnerable.

    • Deborah, you are absolutely right. That very important piece is missing. Im so sorry to know that was your story and I wish you peace beyond understanding ❤

    • Deborah,
      Thank you for your comments and sharing a glimpse of your experience. I’m sorry you and your family have had to endure this. Unfortunately, God’s word is sometimes distorted to condone the uncondoneable. You are correct when you say this needs to be addressed.
      The timing of your comment is perfect because I have a new book for ACD coming out shortly and a new website is in the works as well. In my efforts to help ACD, I will make sure this important piece of the picture is addressed.
      Thanks again for your willingness to be vulnerable and raise attention to this need.

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