“I’m Over My Parents’ Divorce!”

One of the questions I’m often asked is, “What can I do with my spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend who don’t think their speak to the handparents’ divorce is affecting them? It’s so obvious it’s impacting them, but they won’t go there.” Spouses hear this alot. Mine did. For years I denied that my parents’ breakup was having any affect on me. So if you who want to help your adult child of divorce, but have been stonewalled, here are a couple of helpful tools:

  1.  The Huffington Post has been running a series by adults with divorced parents on what it’s like to be an adult child of divorce. Very interesting insights from a variety of people. Click here to see that thread. Then share one of the articles with your loved one.
  2. Karen Klein created the Broken Circle Project. It is a series of photo-vignettes in which college students describe the impact of their parents’ divorce. Find a story that is closest to your loved one’s and show it to them. Or have them browse this site if they will.

Both of these resources give powerful, undeniable insights into the far reaching impact of our parents’ divorce and can break the logjam of denial. I wish I’d had info like this years ago. Thankfully it’s available now. But even with these great tools don’t overlook the most powerful thing you can do for your adult child of divorce; pray for them.praying woman 15

I’m a huge Star Wars fan. One of the key themes is, “Don’t underestimate the power of the force.” Important words, but Star Wars is fictionOn the other hand, James (the brother of Jesus) wrote, “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.1 Basically, don’t underestimate the power of your prayers to change your loved one’s heart! This is not fiction. It’s true. I know. I’m the product of my wife’s countless prayers. Pray for them.  Also pray that God will reveal how He can use you to help. This will help you to do things God’s way and in His timing and not your own.

1James 5:16 [NLT]

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Should Divorced Parents Spend Time Together with the Kids on Holidays?

Dr. Robert Emery, in his book The Truth About Children and Divorce, lists ten tips for the holidays. Number 7 is:

“Consider celebrating part of the holidays together with your
children’s other parent, especially if your separation is fairly recent. Some
people are shocked when divorced families celebrate holidays or birthdays
together. Go ahead and shock them! ”

What do you think about this advice? Please take this short poll and let me know–and share this with a friend so I can get their input too. Thanks 

A.C.O.D. Meets the Broken Circle Project

If you haven’t heard, there is an upcoming  movie release called A.C.O.D. or Adult Child of Divorce.  The plot of the movie is, “Carter is stuck in the uncomfortable middle of his parents’ divorce. When his younger brother gets engaged, the seemingly well-adjusted adult Carter has to reunite his nightmarish family and is dragged right back into his troubled childhood. When Carter returns to the woman whom he thought was his therapist, he finds out that he was actually part of a study on divorced children and chronicled in a popular book.”

The good news is this movie will bring attention to an area that has long been untouched. My concern is the movie is a comedy and will miss the deeper issues and true healing that is available to adults with divorced parents. If you really want to know what it’s like to be an A.C.O.D. or you want others to know what you are going through, check out the Broken Circle Project by Karen Klein. Few resources I’ve seen have touched the heart of the issue and proclaimed the voice of the A.C.O.D. like this one. For anyone thinking about seeing the movie, encourage them to go to the Broken Circle Project first.

Click here to explore the Broken Circle Project.

Click here  for a review of the Broken Circle Project Book.