Sweeping Divorce Debris Under the Rug (The New Divorce Party)

obsolete-roadmap-by-xavier-vergesBecause of our ever creative ways of downplaying the negative side of divorce you may start hearing about the “new divorce party.” Granted, “divorce” and “party” are not words most adult children of divorce put in the same sentence, but divorce parties are not uncommon. The difference, is now some moms and dads are celebrating the divorce together.

Jennifer Brant writes having this type of divorce party demonstrates the parents are, “showing enough maturity to put your children first and showing friends that relationships can still be maintained.”1 However, Brant, a lawyer, admits that high levels of animosity in most divorces will limit this type of celebration. Praise God! No…wait a minute…lost-in-thought-by-matthew-musgrove

But while trying to comprehend this, I was reminded of adult children of divorce who’ve asked me how parents can be so clueless to the debris behind their divorce(s)? Ever wonder that? Do you get sad or angry sometimes at their apparent naivety or denial? These steps may help:

    1. Watch Brant’s interview.  Observe how the divorce topic is handled. Picture this at 8:15AM on your local morning show just days before Christmas (which is when it aired).
    2. Write down or verbalize your thoughts after the video. Agreement? Disbelief? Sadness? Anger? Pain? Numbness?
    3. Pray to God. “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”2 God wants to heal your heart. If this video evokes some emotion because it triggers memories of your parents, spell it out to God in detail. Psalm 142:1-2 says, “I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. I spill out all my complaints before him, and spell out my troubles in detail.3 Giving our hurts to God helps prevent those hurts from coming Christian Cross 11 by Waiting For The Word croppedout in destructive ways which often hurt our loved ones.
    4. Commit this year to learning how your parents’ divorce impacts you, and how to navigate through the debris field successfully.

We can’t change our parents’ behavior, but each day we can take steps toward our healing. May God bless you with His unfailing love, ultimate trustworthiness, and His joy in the midst of your divorce-related craziness. And may you never want a divorce party.

 

1 http://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/a-new-type-of-divorce-party-35331/
21 Peter 5:7, NLT
3Psalm 142:1-2, Message.

Images
Obsolete roadmap by Xavier Verges
Lost in Thought by Matthew Musgrove
Christian Cross 11 by Waiting For The Word cropped

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Divorce Selfies? Pass the Barf Bag

When dealing with the effects of a parents’ divorce, looking at the breakup from the child’s perspective is essential.  A HUGE chasm lies between how adults see their divorce, and how the kids view that same untying of the marital knot.  This disparity came into glaring focus when I stumbled across the latest technological breakthrough – theRevised Divorce Selfie Picture divorce selfie.

I consider myself pretty up on this stuff. There’s divorce parties where the “freed one” celebrates their new life with relatives and friends, divorce burnings where mementos of the past relationship are destroyed, and divorce revenge which allows you to enjoy something previously forbidden by your ex. “To each his own,” I guess.  But an ex-couple’s desire to send a 3-megabyte image of themselves holding divorce papers makes me want to throw up.

Think about this.  The “til death do us part” certificate and pictures have been thrown into the recycle bin. The ink is barely dry on the dissolvement. A family legacy is crushed. So let’s take one last selfie together—holding the divorce papers? Really?

As an adult child of divorce and a person who talks with ACD’s who are still trying to recover from their parents’ split, a stadium of people watching Christians being torn apart by lions seems more palatable than a pic of Mom and Dad celebrating the end of our world. Isaiah’s words come to my mind when I think about this.

“What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter. What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes and think themselves so clever.”Isn’t it amazing how words written 2700 years ago still apply today?

To the divorcing parents, I know you’re hurting and want a new life. But I think a law should be passed that any divorce selfie must have the tear-stained faces of the children in front of the posing parents. But until that happens, may God have mercy on us and heal all of these hurting hearts.

 

1Isaiah 5:20-21, New Living Translation